Baby Blues???

I was going crazy last week coz I really have no idea how am I gonna handle this situation that I'm in...
I sent a "super extra sad" text message to Jovee coz I know his quick replying power! Thanks, Jovee! btw. Anyways, he did respond back with a very encouraging words that helped me lift my spirit.
But the other thing though, I sent a text message to my ex who's in the Philippines and I dunno if that's right. And surprisingly he did respond quickly as a thunder. It's just that I am so not ready to what he told me.
I'm trying to fix my life that has been ruined.. and i'ts hard if that you can't get rid of the person that you're trying to avoid! do you know what I mean????

I sounded so confusing huh?

I just wanted to do something for myself because I've been neglecting what my wants since all the chaos has started. But I just can't coz I feel like this person is so holding me back! and I hate it so much! I feel so paralyzed....I tried talking to him decently so I can do my thing but he won't cooperate and that kills me.

I am inside this shell and I wanted to get out!